More like rank phallic fungus but unfortunately, I didn’t get to name it.
Me and this yard cock (as my friend calls it) go back a disturbingly long way. When I was but a wee lass of around six years old, I discovered a broken stinkhorn in my yard. It smelled awful, and my kid brain had never seen anything like it. I spent a good hour or two poking it with sticks trying to figure out what it was. Needless to say, I left it in the yard and went the next almost two decades both flabberghasted and mildly perturbed.
Lo and behold, an elegant stinkhorn grew in my yard this week. I freaked out, took photos and consulted the internet. It turns out that a fungus has been haunting me pretty much my whole life. Wiki says you can eat the things, but who the fuck would want to? They smell disgusting. That green slimy shit is also apparently normal, produced by the thing. Flies love the elegant stinkhorn.
Age-old mystery of my life finally solved!